SOME BAD METAPHORS AND SIMILES FROM HIGH SCHOOL PAPERS


1.   He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy 
     who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of 
     those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country 
     speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar 
     eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

2.   She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
     dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door 
     open again.

3.   The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
     ball wouldn't.

4.   McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with
     vegetable soup.

5.   From the attic came an unearthly howl.  The whole scene had an eerie,
     surreal quality, like when you're on vaccation and Jeapordy comes on 
     at 7pm instead of 7:30.

6.   Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

7.   Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

8.   Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
     T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk\ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung 
     by mistake.

9.   Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

10.  He was as tall as a 6'3" tree.

11.  The hailstones leapt from the pavement just like maggots when you fry
     them in hot grease.

12.  Her date was pleasant enough but she knew that if her life was a movie
     this guy would be buried in the credits as something like second tall guy.

13.  Long seaparated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
     grassy field toward each other like freight trains, one having left 
     Cleveland at 6:36 pm travelling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 
     4:19 pm and 35 mph.

14.  The politician was gone but unnoticed like the period after the Dr. on a
     Dr Pepper can.

15.  They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
     resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16.  John and Mary had never met.  They were like two hummingbirds that had
     also never met.

17.  The thunder rumbled ominously, making a sound much like the sound of a
     thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene of a 
     play.

18.  His thoughts tumbled in his head making and breaking allegiances like
     underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

19.  The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.