A few entries from a cat's diary!
 
Day 752- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to ear dry
cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761- Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet
while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs.  In a attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on
their bed.
 
Day 762- Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food ungodly hours of the night.
 
Day 765- Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was.......Hmmmmmm.......not working according to plan.
 
Day 768- I am finally aware of how sadistic they really are.  For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture.  This time however, it included
a burning foaming chemical called 'shampoo'.  What sick minds could invent
such a liquid??  My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
 
Day 771- There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.  I was
placed in solitary confinement throughout the event.  However, I could
hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call
'beer'. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY
power of 'allergies'.  Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.
 
Day 774- I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return.  He is obviously a half-wit.  The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant.  He has mastered their frightful tongue (something
akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly.  I am certain he
reports my every move.  Due to his current placement in the metal
room....his safety is assured.  BUt I can wait.  It is only a matter of
time.....