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Hee hee hee!!!
Felicia’s cap for graduation is ready:
Now, if I could just get the gown the right color, I’d feel pretty good.
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Regrouping
I know things have been quiet around here lately. I was hoping that after I defended that I would magically find a new fount of energy which would result in a flurry of activity both in my life and in my blog. Truth is, I’m tired. I’ve been tired for months, and I have a feeling that it’s going to take an equal amount of time to recover.
We did take a long weekend in Myrtle beach a couple weeks ago, and I have to say that it did wonders for my morale. For the first time in a long time, I can say that I was truly happy. I went into sensory overload in the Build a Dino Store there, but a good kind of sensory overload. We played loads of mini-golf, and also played in the ocean.
(All of my Myrtle Beach trips are here.)
We haven’t gotten on our bikes this year yet, and that’s probably going to wait until mid-June, after I get back from a meeting in St. Louis. I haven’t gotten into my scrapbooking yet, though hopefully that will pick up this weekend. I have had loads of ideas for blog posts (pink? in a John Deere store??), but lose interest by the time I get to a computer. I promise that I’m coming back, and I’m getting less tired and more happy every day, but I have a feeling that its going to be a while before “My Silly Life” is terribly active again.
I’m trying, though.
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Not really a big surprise here…
Posted by barb on May 5, 2008 in Memes, Etc.
| What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Science/Math Nerd
(Absolute Insane Laughter as you pour toxic chemicals into a foaming tub of death!) Well, maybe you aren’t this extreme, but you’re in league with the crazy scientists/mathmeticians of today. Very few people have the talent of math and science is something takes a lot of brains as well. Thank whosever God you worship, or don’t worship, so thank no deity whatsoever in your case, for you people! Most of us would have died off without your help. |
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| Literature Nerd |
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| Drama Nerd |
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| Gamer/Computer Nerd |
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| Artistic Nerd |
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| Musician |
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| Social Nerd |
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| Anime Nerd |
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| What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace |
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Thoughts on finishing my thesis and PhD
Posted by barb on Apr 23, 2008 in Random Thoughts, Thesis/Grad Life
I suppose I haven’t blogged this here yet (though it did make it onto Galaxy Girl), but I successfully defended my PhD on April 11. Since then I’ve been working on revisions, but they need to be turned in by Friday, so will be completely done in just a couple of days.
Just after I turned in my thesis three and a half weeks ago, I started hearing things like, “You must be so happy to be done with your thesis,” or “You must be relieved to have that done,” or “You must feel a real sense of accomplishment.” The truth of the matter is that I didn’t feel happy or relieved. I chalked that up to the fact that I still had my defense to worry about.
For the two weeks that followed, I put together my dissertation talk. In some ways, it sounds like an easy thing – after all, it was only to be 20-25 minutes. However, being asked to turn 5 years of work into a 20 minute talk is a real chore. I debated taking auctioneer lessons to learn to talk faster, but settled on giving the digest version of much of the work, and hitting on the important and interesting results. I also studied the concepts in my thesis, so that I would be ready to field any of the weird questions my committee might come up with. All the while, I knew that I would finally feel a sense of accomplishment once the defense was over.
I won’t mince words. I was very nervous the day of my defense. I won’t go into details, but I have to say that as it was becoming obvious that the private questioning by the committee was drawing to a close, I was surprised. I had thought it would be more of an ordeal. Maybe it was because I tried to keep the mood light in the room, at one time even calling one of the committee members a “crazy man” (in jest, of course). But, after it was over, I still didn’t feel my sense of accomplishment. Don’t get me wrong, I was relieved that it was over, but I didn’t feel like I’d done anything great.
Since then I’ve been working on revisions to my thesis, and taking some much needed R&R as I can. Will I feel the sense of accomplishment that I keep hoping for when I submit the final thesis to the University on Friday? I have a bad feeling that the answer is no.
Any regular readers know that I have struggled with my thesis and my role as a grad student ever since I returned to finish my PhD in late 2002. I’ve debated quitting since about a year after I returned. I discovered that I don’t really like doing research, at least under the constraints that my thesis imposed (i.e. meetings only once a month at most, and very little interaction or discussion on my thesis science). I’ve kept going, it feels, only because I’m the kind of person who finishes what they start, rather than finishing to satisfy my need to follow my data and analysis to a logical conclusion. In some way I felt trapped, miserable in what I was doing, but unable to stop because I don’t like to be a quitter.
It seems that my thesis has become more an object of distain, hurt and frustration, so it’s hard to view it as a grand accomplishment. It feels more like I’ve decided to stop hitting myself in the head with a 2-by-4 after years of thinking it was the right thing for me to be doing. There’s not much sense of accomplishment in finally ceasing something that has caused so much pain and frustration. Maybe in a year or two I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished something. For now, I want to throw my thesis across the room every time I look at it.
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Up late…
Posted by barb on Mar 27, 2008 in Random Thoughts
It’s amazing how much late-night (or really early-morning) advertisements on TV resemble my spam e-mail folder. I’ve already seen two commercials to enhance “that certain part of the male anatomy”, a couple for the “girls gone wild” videos, and another promising large-breasted women.
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Have pistachios. Need M.U.L.E.
Posted by barb on Mar 18, 2008 in Games
I’m feeling a little nostalgic for the Socorro days. For those of you who have no clue what the title means, the last year that I lived at the House ‘o Bob, he set up a Commodore 64. A favorite game for all of us residents was M.U.L.E.
In particular, I remember one day when Mushi and Matt were setting up a game of M.U.L.E. I’m pretty sure I had a pile of homework, but they talked me into taking an hour out of the day to play a game. We sat with the front door open, a spring breeze cooling us, and a pile of pistachios in front of us.
The twinge of nostalgia came with a small bowl of pistachios and the scary amount of work I need to get done by yesterday. I can’t help but think that a good game of M.U.L.E. right now would make this thesis-thing better.
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Are YOU ready?
Posted by barb on Mar 11, 2008 in Science Musings
It’s coming!!!
On Friday, everyone can talk like a physicist. Not sure how to do that? Check out the FAQ on the Talk Like a Physicist blog. And for those of you physicists who do not think you talk like a physicist (like me), rest assured, you do.
Even crazy-thesis-ladies get a break from their thesis every once and a while
Posted by barb on Mar 3, 2008 in Crafty Me
I haven’t been scrapping with Laurie in a long time, so we decided to get together in February around her birthday. Sadly, Laurie’s household was all sick with the flu when our scrapping date came around, so we postponed until this past weekend. I spent *all day* Saturday up at Laurie’s house. Really, all day. I think Laurie was sick of me by the time she kicked my arse out, but, hey, it’s her fault for not kicking me out sooner.
For part of the time Laurie’s friend Kirsten joined us – she’s new to scrapping, so we had to show her some things that she *needs* to waste…er, invest, her money and time on to improve her scrapping.
Felicia also came along, since I was starting on her scrapbook. She and Ruby helped out with our scrapbooks.
Here are a couple of my completed pages:
I was very naughty on Sunday, and continued scrapping instead of working on my thesis. Oh well, at least I feel nice and refreshed and ready for writing this week. (That actually was not sarcastic, though it might have been hard to tell.)
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In which I feel self pity
Posted by barb on Feb 28, 2008 in Random Thoughts
Feeling awful all the time takes a toll after a while. I know that should be obvious, but I rarely stop to think about it. For me, headaches are the norm in my life, and I generally can’t afford to let it get in my way. Some days, though, I just don’t know if I can deal with it.
Take today, for example. My headache isn’t particularly bad today, perhaps worse than an average day, but a far cry from a typical “bad day”. Oddly enough, my headache seems to be migrating today. For a while this morning it had settled into my forehead, which was accompanied by a little bit of dizziness. Now it’s wandered to the back of my head, making my neck ache. I really just want to crawl back into bed in hopes of my headache lessening, but I feel like if I give in today, then I’ll start to give in every day.
Instead, I’m trying to work on my thesis, but I’m not being overly successful. I’ve managed to work a little on my research, but only the simplest thing I can do. Complex physics is just too much to take on right now. But I really need to get at some of that complex physics so that I can write a good introduction for my thesis. If I feel like this tomorrow, I’m going to have to just power through it and work those brain cells.
It’s frustrating because I never feel well. My head always hurts. I can’t let it stop me from day-to-day life, and right now my day-to-day life includes writing my PhD thesis. Today I’m giving in a little to feeling badly, but at a cost of having to push myself tomorrow, not matter how I feel tomorrow.
Sidenote: The headache has now migrated to the top of my head. This is really odd. It seems to be making a path for maximum discomfort – I’m still feeling the dizziness occasionally from the forehead-phase of the headache and my neck is still achy from the back-of-the-head-phase of the headache. Just when I thought it couldn’t get more annoying than just having headache everyday.
< Big sigh of relief >
Posted by barb on Feb 5, 2008 in Random Thoughts
Jury duty has been deferred until summer. Yay!