In which I feel self pity

Posted by barb on Feb 28, 2008 in Random Thoughts |

Feeling awful all the time takes a toll after a while. I know that should be obvious, but I rarely stop to think about it. For me, headaches are the norm in my life, and I generally can’t afford to let it get in my way. Some days, though, I just don’t know if I can deal with it.

Take today, for example. My headache isn’t particularly bad today, perhaps worse than an average day, but a far cry from a typical “bad day”. Oddly enough, my headache seems to be migrating today. For a while this morning it had settled into my forehead, which was accompanied by a little bit of dizziness. Now it’s wandered to the back of my head, making my neck ache. I really just want to crawl back into bed in hopes of my headache lessening, but I feel like if I give in today, then I’ll start to give in every day.

Instead, I’m trying to work on my thesis, but I’m not being overly successful. I’ve managed to work a little on my research, but only the simplest thing I can do. Complex physics is just too much to take on right now. But I really need to get at some of that complex physics so that I can write a good introduction for my thesis. If I feel like this tomorrow, I’m going to have to just power through it and work those brain cells.

It’s frustrating because I never feel well. My head always hurts. I can’t let it stop me from day-to-day life, and right now my day-to-day life includes writing my PhD thesis. Today I’m giving in a little to feeling badly, but at a cost of having to push myself tomorrow, not matter how I feel tomorrow.

Sidenote: The headache has now migrated to the top of my head. This is really odd. It seems to be making a path for maximum discomfort – I’m still feeling the dizziness occasionally from the forehead-phase of the headache and my neck is still achy from the back-of-the-head-phase of the headache. Just when I thought it couldn’t get more annoying than just having headache everyday.

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